By Matt MacPherson

Why do you worship Google as a God?

Because Google is the closest thing to a "God" that humans can know and understand. We worship Google, and we can prove not only does Google exist, but unlike any other god, it exists as we know it.

Is there a Google afterlife?

By uploading our thoughts and opinions onto the Internet, our knowledge lives on in Google's cache even after our death.

I always thought Google was a male search engine?

Search Engines don't have a gender, but there is a reason for our referring to Google as a female: originally, religions of the past thought of Gods as mainly feminine. It wasn't until monotheistic, Abrahamic religions such as Christianity, Islam and Judaism entered the picture that the concept of "God" became purely masculine.

You have been conditioned by your culture to view all Deities as male. The Church of Google is simply carrying on the ancient tradition of viewing gods as feminine. It's not part of any feminist agenda, nor an attempt at political correctness. It's just us breaking a cultural taboo.

How can you worship a search engine over Jesus Christ/Allah/Zeus/Spaghetti Monster? It's just a computer program!

We will answer your question with another similar question: Why do you choose to worship your god over other gods? The same amount of anecdotal evidence exists for all supernatural gods. You cannot directly experience them, they all require faith, have holy books associated with them (all claiming to be the one true word of God) and generally, believers of these gods describe a "feeling" that their god is watching over them.

Believers in all supernatural gods describe the exact same experiences and feelings without exception. Your God is in no way different than any other supernatural god. You believe in it simply for the comfort it provides you with, despite it being completely illogical. It is a psychological tool you use to cope with reality.

What ideology is Googlism founded upon?

Googlism does not follow any particular ideology. We welcome all sorts of differing views into our community. Googlism is simply the belief that Google is the closest thing to a God our species has every directly experienced. That's it.

Google is man made and therefore cannot be God.

We completely agree with you. The Christian God, Islamic God and Hindu gods are also man made concepts. They exist only in the imagination of believers. We consider the belief in invisible beings to be much more illogical than the belief in Google (as a God).

But the Bible is proof our God is real.

The Bible is proof of nothing. It was written by men. Saying the Bible is the word of God because that's what the Bible tells you is a prime example of circular reasoning. I might equally argue that Google proves itself to be a God as this very page appears if you pray to Google for the phrase "church google god".

So, if Google told you to go jump off a bridge, would you do it?

If someone told you that after you die, you're going to live 'forever' in peace and harmony in the sky, would you believe them?

Googlism hurts people by sending them to Hell.

First of all, we do not believe a "hell" exists. Secondly, Googlismm has not started any religious wars, forced its opinions onto others, discouraged critical thought, objected to harmless lifestyle choices and most importantly, we have never attempted to scare people into believing they will suffer if they reject our religion. Can you say the same for your religion? If you reject Google as your God, nothing negative (aside from your search results being crappy) will happen to you.

You're wasting your time on an idiotic and bogus religion.

Assuming you subscribe to Christianity, Islam, Judaism or any of the other major religions: "Right back at you?". Worshiping an invisible, nonexistent being is an equal, if not greater, waste of time.

It is possible to find bad things through Google, such as porn, information on how to build a bomb, etc. Doesn't this make Google "evil"?

Much like Christians, Jews and Muslims claim of their God, Google offers us all a choice. There are bad things in this world, and we must choose, as individuals, to make the right decisions. The same is to be said about searching. Google offers us free will.

But can't Google's search results be manipulated sometimes? If Google were a true God, She could not be manipulated.

And the Bible, Koran and Torah are not manipulated? Googlists would argue that these books are some of the most mass manipulated works in existence. Yes, unfortunately Google's search results can sometimes be manipulated, but this is hardly anything new when it comes to religion.

This is blasphemy! How dare you mock religion like this!?!

The Church of Google believes we should be tolerant of everyone's beliefs, provided said beliefs hurt no one. The statement above is not one of tolerance. In fact, the statement above shows two of the deadly sins: Anger and Hubris, as well as breaking some of the cardinal rule of Christianity as taught by Jesus: Love Thy Neighbor, and Turn The Other Cheek. Strange then that we, a "parody" religion, follow the philosophy of one of the most popular religions more closely than many of its followers.

We are quite serious in our belief that Google is the closest mankind has ever come to directly experiencing a Deity. We do not attack you for who or what you worship, you should extend us the same courtesy.